30 Things a Football Fan’s Wife/Girlfriend Needs to Know Before the Game

By Jeric Griffin

Things to Know as a Wife/Girlfriend of a Football Fanatic

0Couple Watching Football — When my wife and I were dating, I took her to her first NFL game. She didn’t ask any dumb questions and when she yelled out “intentional grounding” before it was called, I asked her to marry me on the spot. Ok, not really, but I did propose shortly thereafter and we have been happily married ever since. If you’re a woman trying to please her boyfriend/husband whose obsessed with football, allow me to help you become Wife/Girlfriend of the Year.

30. Which Days Games are Played, Both College and Pro

Auburn v Clemson

30. Which Days Games are Played, Both College and Pro

Auburn v Clemson — There’s no bigger turnoff than sitting down to watch the game after church and the girl saying, “I thought football was on yesterday.”

Yes, it was on yesterday and it’s on today as well.

College teams play on Saturdays (and sometimes on Thursdays) while the NFL is on Thursday, Sunday and Monday night (and sometimes Saturday nights).

29. The Number of Games Played in a Season

Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl - Baylor v UCLA

29. The Number of Games Played in a Season

Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl - Baylor v UCLA — There are way too many games in baseball and basketball, but don’t let that confuse you. Each NFL team plays 16 games in a season with one week off somewhere in the middle. Thus, there are 17 weeks to a season, plus the playoffs. College football is a little shorter with usually 12 games per team, per season.

28. Why Teams Only Play Once Per Week

16Once per Week

28. Why Teams Only Play Once Per Week

16Once per Week — The teams don’t play very often because, unlike baseball and basketball, football is exhausting, both mentally and physically. It takes a week for the players to recover enough to play again.

27. When the Super Bowl is Played

3When the Super Bowl is Played

27. When the Super Bowl is Played

3When the Super Bowl is Played — Another huge pet peeve of football fans is being asked, “When is the Super Bowl?” or even the more annoying version: “Who’s in the Super Bowl this year?”

If it’s mid-October, a question like that immediately tells us you are completely ignorant when it comes to football. Know that the game is played the first Sunday in February, so anytime before that, the teams playing in it haven’t been decided yet.

26. Super Bowl is Two Words, Both Capitalized

4Super Bowl is 2 Words

26. Super Bowl is Two Words, Both Capitalized

4Super Bowl is 2 Words — You've decided to throw your boyfriend/husband a Super Bowl party. Great idea! Let's say you want to send out invites or make a banner to hang on the mantle or something similar...

Do not EVER write this: "Superbowl." It is wrong. It’s two words and both are capitalized. This is in every style guide and writing rule book out there because it’s such a common term, yet so many people write it incorrectly. Don’t be one of those people!

25. Which Two Teams are Playing

Arizona Cardinals v Seattle Seahawks

25. Which Two Teams are Playing

Arizona Cardinals v Seattle Seahawks — Don’t look at the screen and then ask who is playing. It says in that box in the corner who is playing…and that box is on the screen for the entire game.

24. The Difference Between an Extra Point and a Field Goal

Detroit Lions v Green Bay Packers

24. The Difference Between an Extra Point and a Field Goal

Detroit Lions v Green Bay Packers — It’s really aggravating when someone asks, “Are they going to kick a field goal or go for two?”

I know it’s the same formation and general process, but the one that happens immediately after a touchdown is only worth one point and it’s called the extra point. A field goal happens instead of a touchdown when the offense isn’t in a good position to score the latter.

23. How Many Points a Touchdown is Worth

7How Many Points Touchdown

23. How Many Points a Touchdown is Worth

7How Many Points Touchdown — Contrary to common belief among most girlfriends and wives, a touchdown is not worth seven points; it’s worth six and the seventh comes from the extra point, which we discussed earlier. That’s why we say “pick six” when a player returns and interception for a touchdown instead of “pick seven," which would just sound silly.

22. What Constitutes a Score

28Constitutes a Score

22. What Constitutes a Score

28Constitutes a Score — Don’t ever ask, “Why can’t they just throw the ball into the touchdown?”

A touchdown is not a place; the end zone is where touchdowns are scored. A player must cross the goal line (into the end zone) with the ball in his hands.

A safety is when the defense tackles the ballcarrier in his own end zone or knocks the ball out of the back of that end zone during a regular play.

We’ve already gone over field goals and extra points.

21. The Difference Between a Safety and a Touchback

Oakland Raiders v Denver Broncos

21. The Difference Between a Safety and a Touchback

Oakland Raiders v Denver Broncos — Speaking of safeties, if a punt or kickoff goes out of the back of the end zone, no points are awarded. This is called a touchback and the offense is awarded the ball on its own 20-yard line.

20. The Difference Between the Game Clock and the Play Clock

8Play Clock

20. The Difference Between the Game Clock and the Play Clock

8Play Clock — There are two clocks on the screen most of the time, one with a large amount of time and one with a much smaller amount. The larger one is the game clock and it tells everyone when each quarter is over and when the game is over. The smaller one shows how much time is allowed in between plays -- it tells the quarterback how long he has to snap the ball without being penalized for delaying the game.

19. Number of Quarters That Constitute a Game and Length of Those Quarters

Divisional Playoffs - San Diego Chargers v Denver Broncos

19. Number of Quarters That Constitute a Game and Length of Those Quarters

Divisional Playoffs - San Diego Chargers v Denver Broncos — Yes, there are two halves to the game, but each of those halves is also made up of two quarters and each one is 15 minutes long. Those are game-time minutes, not real-time minutes.

18. Why a 60-Minute Game Takes 4 Hours

12 A 60-minute game takes 4 hours

18. Why a 60-Minute Game Takes 4 Hours

12 A 60-minute game takes 4 hours — The clock stops for incomplete passes, changes of possession, penalties, team timeouts, media timeouts (commercials) and ends of quarters. That’s a lot of real time elapsed with no action, which is why the game takes so long. Oh yeah, and there’s halftime.

17. How Many Players are on the Field for Each Team

Divisional Playoffs - San Diego Chargers v Denver Broncos

17. How Many Players are on the Field for Each Team

Divisional Playoffs - San Diego Chargers v Denver Broncos — There are 11 players on the field per team at all times. If there are any more, a penalty is called. There is no penalty for having less than 11 players on the field.

16. Talking About the Looks of a Player and/or His Uniform is a Cardinal Sin

New York Jets v Carolina Panthers

16. Talking About the Looks of a Player and/or His Uniform is a Cardinal Sin

New York Jets v Carolina Panthers — This is the age-old pet peeve of all football fans, but if you’re trying to become a superstar football wife/girlfriend, DO NOT say anything of this nature. Even if you’re thinking it, keep it to yourself.

15. Why a Player Can be Great in Fantasy Football But Still Play for a Bad Team

11Fantasy

15. Why a Player Can be Great in Fantasy Football But Still Play for a Bad Team

11Fantasy — A common question is, “Why do you have (insert player name) on your fantasy team? His team is terrible.”

That’s a valid question for a non-fantasy football player. The answer is simpler than you think: Fantasy points are accumulated by stats and there are points scored and stats recorded by bad teams. Thus, a good player on a bad team can still be relevant in fantasy football.

14. What the Yellow Line on the Screen Means

14Yellow Line

14. What the Yellow Line on the Screen Means

14Yellow Line — If you don’t know anything about downs and yards-to-go, learn that first and then you’ll realize on your own that the yellow line on the screen marks where the offense needs to get for a first down.

13. Arena Football Exists

17Arena Football

13. Arena Football Exists

17Arena Football — You don’t have to know anything about arena football, but know that it exists and that it’s basically the same game on a smaller field. My wife surprised me with tickets to an arena game once and it was actually a ton of fun. Also, there are a lot of NFL players who once played arena football, which makes it somewhat relevant.

12. Why a Player in Motion Isn’t “Offsides”

18in motion

12. Why a Player in Motion Isn’t “Offsides”

18in motion — We’ll get to the difference between offsides and a false start next, but first let’s explain that the offense can send one player in motion before the snap as long as he is set or going parallel to the line of scrimmage at the snap. He can’t back up and run toward the line before the snap like the guys in the arena league.

11. The Difference Between Offsides and a False Start

Saints v Eagles

11. The Difference Between Offsides and a False Start

Saints v Eagles — If an offensive player jumps before the snap, it’s a false start. Offsides refers to a defensive player who crosses the line of scrimmage before the snap and doesn’t get back to his side in time. Neutral zone infraction and encroachment are other words you’ll hear regarding the defense going early, but “offsides” never refers to the offense.

10. Whether or Not the Players Wear Cups

New York Jets v San Diego Chargers

10. Whether or Not the Players Wear Cups

New York Jets v San Diego Chargers — This ain’t baseball — football players don’t wear cups. I know it seems like they should, but they don’t. Everyone has their own reason, so don’t ask why because we can’t answer for the guys on the screen.

9. How Much Kickers Get Paid

Divisional Playoffs - San Francisco 49ers v Carolina Panthers

9. How Much Kickers Get Paid

Divisional Playoffs - San Francisco 49ers v Carolina Panthers — Kickers don’t make the same astronomical amounts of money that other players do, but they don’t make chunk change. Know this and don’t ask this question during a game because it indicates you’re not really paying attention to what’s going on.

8. Why the Coordinators Cover Their Mouths

New Orleans Saints v Chicago Bears

8. Why the Coordinators Cover Their Mouths

New Orleans Saints v Chicago Bears — Some teams use similar terminology in their play-calls, so coordinators cover their mouths to keep the opposing sideline from reading their lips and tipping their players off before the snap.

7. Why Peyton Manning Says All That Gibberish Before the Play

Arizona Cardinals v Denver Broncos

7. Why Peyton Manning Says All That Gibberish Before the Play

Arizona Cardinals v Denver Broncos — All quarterbacks make calls at the line of scrimmage, but none do it as extensively as Peyton Manning. But regardless of how long and detailed the calls are, they're all to help better prepare the offense for the upcoming play. For example, if the quarterback knows a certain defensive player is going to blitz and he alerts his teammates to change their actions to account for that, the result could be a touchdown instead of a sack…or worse.

6. Tackling Hard is Not a Penalty…Most of the Time

Tennessee Titans v Houston Texans

6. Tackling Hard is Not a Penalty…Most of the Time

Tennessee Titans v Houston Texans — There are a lot of hard hits in a football game — we talked about why they can only play once per week. However, a player can’t get penalized for simply hitting another player “too hard.” There are penalties about head shots and things of that nature, but a good clean hit is just that, no matter how hard…or brutal.

5. The Difference Between the Terms “Blocking” and “Covering”

Outback Bowl - Iowa v LSU

5. The Difference Between the Terms “Blocking” and “Covering”

Outback Bowl - Iowa v LSU — This one may seem strange, but a huge pet peeve of a football fan is someone yelling, “They need to cover him better!” when a quarterback is sacked.

No, his linemen need to do a better job of BLOCKING for him. “Covering” refers to what the defensive backs to do the receivers to prevent them from catching the ball. When an offensive player is preventing a defensive player from tackling his teammate, it’s called blocking.

4. Why Linemen are Important

Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio - Wisconsin v Oregon

4. Why Linemen are Important

Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio - Wisconsin v Oregon — They may not appear all muscular and perfectly in shape like the other players, but linemen are often just as athletic and skilled as the smaller guys and they’re a lot more important.

Nothing happens in football without the linemen because the offensive ones provide protection for the skill-position players; the defensive ones provide protection for the linebackers while also trying to get past the offensive ones to make the tackle.

3. Why Linemen Don’t Get the Ball

BCS National Championship - Alabama v Texas

3. Why Linemen Don’t Get the Ball

BCS National Championship - Alabama v Texas — Yes, linemen are important, but they can’t get the ball on a legal play outside of a fumble or tipped pass because then there would be no one to protect the quarterbacks and running backs all the time. Then defenses would have to account for linemen as pass-catchers and we’d have a huge mess on our hands.

2. Why Running the Ball is Important

Foles-McCoy

2. Why Running the Ball is Important

Foles-McCoy — The worst thing you can ask is, “Why don’t they just run around the pile?" It's not a pile; everyone has a specific task.

The linemen block specific defenders on specific plays to open holes for the running back to run through with the ball. In doing this, he prevents the defense from only trying to stop passing plays on every play.

Defenders are fast and smart -- they're waiting for the ballcarrier to run around them. That doesn't work.

1. Intentional Grounding

Cleveland Browns v Detroit Lions

1. Intentional Grounding

Cleveland Browns v Detroit Lions — When a quarterback is about to get sacked, he can’t just throw the ball down to avoid it. There are rules about this, including where he has to be when he throws the ball and where the ball lands. If he’s not blatantly scrambling outside the pocket and/or the ball doesn’t land at or beyond the line of scrimmage, it’s a penalty.

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