Restructuring NFL Divisions by Geography

By Jonathon Natsis

Restructuring NFL Divisions by Geography

Baltimore Ravens, New England Patriots — Welcome to the post-Super Bowl NFL: A bizarro-world occupied by weird and wonderful stories, all in an attempt to let the days pass by until such time that real football treats us again with its presence. In today’s edition of offseason mania, it’s time to enter into a parallel universe and see just how different the league would look if its eight divisions were rearranged by geography in time for the 2015 season.

AFC North

Andrew Luck

AFC North

Andrew Luck — Teams: Cincinnati, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh.
This might be bizarro world, but it’s still governed by some semblance of law and order. The NFL upholds its rule that the Bengals, Browns and Steelers must all share the same division, so it’s road trip time for Baltimore. Replacing the Ravens are the Colts, who enter a vastly more competitive division and form the league’s best rivalry with the Steelers by 2016.

AFC East

Eli Manning

AFC East

Eli Manning — Teams: Baltimore, New England, New York Giants, New York Jets.
Wait a minute, whose clam chowder did the Patriots urinate in? Just one season removed from winning their forth Lombardi trophy, the Pats now share a division with their most hated division rival, most hated non-division rival and most hated non-conference rival. Throw in a twice-a-year Battle for the Bronx, and you’ve got the most hate-filled division in football.

AFC South

Julio Jones

AFC South

Julio Jones — Teams: Atlanta, Jacksonville, Miami, Tampa Bay.
The AFC East may be the most heated division figuratively, but the new and improved AFC South is, quite literally, the hottest place to play. A heavy Floridian influence should foster some interesting rivalries in the future, but expect the Falcons and Dolphins to tussle over division title bragging rights for at least the next few years.

AFC West

Colin Kaepernick

AFC West

Colin Kaepernick — Teams: Arizona, Oakland, San Diego, San Francisco.
This freshly revised AFC West reps the great state of California harder than Kendrick Lamar featuring Ice Cube at a Snoop Dogg concert. Derek Carr and Colin Kaepernick shape the Battle of the Bay for the next decade, but that doesn’t stop the Chargers from being the first Cali residents to win a Super Bowl following the realignment. Oh, and the Cardinals are there too.

NFC North

Rex Ryan

NFC North

Rex Ryan — Teams: Buffalo, Chicago, Green Bay, Minnesota.
Much like its AFC counterpart, the NFC North only sees one change in the division, with the Buffalo Bills replacing the Detroit Lions in this intriguing collection of future contenders. In only a few short years, this division becomes what the former NFC South once was: a constant struggle for supremacy, with no one team holding bragging rights for more than one season at a time.

NFC East

Calvin Johnson

NFC East

Calvin Johnson — Teams: Carolina, Detroit, Philadelphia, Washington.
What was once the least amicable division in football is now forced to start over, with hate magnets the Dallas Cowboys and New York Giants ousted in favor of two teams most NFL fans are indifferent toward. Detroit takes the division in its inaugural season, but not without a fight from Philly. Meanwhile, Robert Griffin III and Cam Newton combine for a Game of the Year contender in Week 1.

NFC South

Jason Garrett, Dez Bryant

NFC South

Jason Garrett, Dez Bryant — Teams: Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, Tennessee.
A shake-up in the south results in only the Saints staying put for the 2015 season. By 2017, the media christens the foursome the “home cookin’” division in response to the respective cities' reputations for deep south/Midwestern hospitality. But don’t be fooled; the twice-a-year Texas tussle brings out some bad blood, while the Saints and Titans also pick fights with…well, the Cowboys.

NFC West

Peyton Manning

NFC West

Peyton Manning — Teams: Denver, Kansas City, Seattle, St. Louis.
It’s the end of the line, and with it comes a mish-mash of teams that didn’t really fit anywhere else. Seattle and Denver are west enough, but their Missourian roommates are about as Midwest as they come. In the extremely sexy possibility that the Rams move to LA by 2016, they will be slotted into the all-Cali AFC West, with the Cardinals replacing them in the land of misfit teams.

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