A lot of people like harassing Dallas Cowboys fans, and if you don’t mind sounding like a buffoon, these lines will get a Dallas fan’s blood boiling.
Ask When Jerry Jones Will Hire a Real GM
Getty ImagesHa ha ha, you’re hilarious. You should try standup comedy!
But seriously, just stop it. You and I both know Jerry will never give up control. Dude has flat out admitted he sees the Cowboys as his toy and he’s not willing to let them go for winning’s sake. So since we both know that, don’t rub it in, okay?
Ha ha ha, you’re hilarious. You should try standup comedy!
But seriously, just stop it. You and I both know Jerry will never give up control. Dude has flat out admitted he sees the Cowboys as his toy and he’s not willing to let them go for winning’s sake. So since we both know that, don’t rub it in, okay?
Suggest Jerry Jones is an Intelligent NFL General Manager
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If you know anything about football, this might surprise you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone who’s never even been to Texas try to explain to me that Jerry is a capable GM. They’ll point to the three Super Bowls and finding undrafted gems like Tony Romo as evidence, even though the Super Bowls are solely because of Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells was the one who found Romo.
The frustration levels can’t be measured…
If you know anything about football, this might surprise you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone who’s never even been to Texas try to explain to me that Jerry is a capable GM. They’ll point to the three Super Bowls and finding undrafted gems like Tony Romo as evidence, even though the Super Bowls are solely because of Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells was the one who found Romo.
The frustration levels can’t be measured…
Claim That Tony Romo is the Cowboys’ Biggest Problem
Getty ImagesJust stop watching and talking about football entirely. Is Romo perfect? Not even close, but the guy is the third-best quarterback in franchise history. Did you notice how well he played in 2014 behind a capable offensive line and with a capable offensive play-caller? He still has his flaws and will never be Roger Staubach or Troy Aikman, but the Cowboys have many actual problems and Romo isn’t one of them.
Ask Why Jerry Jones “Fired” Jimmy Johnson
Getty ImagesThis is a valid question from someone not familiar with the situation, but it is arguably the sorest spot for any real Cowboys fan. The Cowboys won three Super Bowls in the ‘90s because of Jimmy. Period. End of story. Sure, Barry Switzer came in and rode the coattail for the third one, but he did nothing to make it happen.
Jerry got jealous of all the attention Jimmy was getting for the incredible success and finally decided he would just get rid of his buddy and take all the credit.
Great job, Jerry. Look how that turned out…
This is a valid question from someone not familiar with the situation, but it is arguably the sorest spot for any real Cowboys fan. The Cowboys won three Super Bowls in the ‘90s because of Jimmy. Period. End of story. Sure, Barry Switzer came in and rode the coattail for the third one, but he did nothing to make it happen.
Jerry got jealous of all the attention Jimmy was getting for the incredible success and finally decided he would just get rid of his buddy and take all the credit.
Great job, Jerry. Look how that turned out…
Say They’re Not “America’s Team”
Getty ImagesThe definition of this phrase is so convoluted at this point that the argument has become inane. However, the Cowboys are still the NFL’s most popular team, which is why they were given the moniker in the first place. They’re still the league’s most valuable team according to Forbes’ annual report, they sell the most team gear of any team on a regular basis and they have the most primetime games of any team each and every season, or at least the max amount allowed. Their games are always sold out on the road and at home and as long as that remains the case, they’ll continue to be “America’s Team.”
Talk About How the Past Doesn’t Matter
Getty ImagesThis one is funny because Cowboys fans only hear this from fans of teams that have never won a Super Bowl. This is most commonly heard from Eagles fans after wins over Dallas nowadays. Of course, moronic Cowboys fans are quick to use the franchise’s five world titles as ammo when getting razzed, so they bring it on themselves, but they have a point because sports are based on history and records and as long as the Cowboys have those five Super Bowls and the Eagles have none, the past does indeed matter.
Suggest Emmitt Smith is Overrated
Getty ImagesThe man is the NFL’s all-time leading rusher and holds the league record for most consecutive 1,000-yard seasons. He may not be the best running back in history in your book, but that doesn’t mean he’s overrated. Did he play behind one of the best offensive lines in history? Yes, but only for the first half of his career. He still churned out over four yards per carry with an average bunch of front even after the glory days ended and is a primary reason why the Cowboys won those three Super Bowls in the ‘90s. Don’t let today’s pass-happy nonsense cloud your judgment regarding one of the game’s greatest rushers.
Claim Everyone in Cowboys Nation is a Bandwagon Fan
The two women on the right side of the picture above represent about 85 percent of the Cowboys fan base. A telling statistic: Roughly 80 percent of “Cowboys Nation” has never been to a game, and likely never will. People who were relatively young in the ‘90s all started rooting for the dominant team, as is the case every decade with the ignorant youth who don’t have loyal sports parents to teach them any better.
But make no mistake: The 15 percent of the fan base that can actually be considered “real fans” are some of the most passionate football fans in the world. And trust me, knowing there aren’t many like you and that your fan base is recognized by pink Romo jerseys is the most aggravating thing in life.
The two women on the right side of the picture above represent about 85 percent of the Cowboys fan base. A telling statistic: Roughly 80 percent of “Cowboys Nation” has never been to a game, and likely never will. People who were relatively young in the ‘90s all started rooting for the dominant team, as is the case every decade with the ignorant youth who don’t have loyal sports parents to teach them any better.
But make no mistake: The 15 percent of the fan base that can actually be considered “real fans” are some of the most passionate football fans in the world. And trust me, knowing there aren’t many like you and that your fan base is recognized by pink Romo jerseys is the most aggravating thing in life.
Ask About Insignificant Players as if They Ever Mattered
Getty ImagesSeriously, you think the Cowboys would have won a Super Bowl by keeping Terrell Owens a few more years? Do you realize no one in Dallas thinks about T.O. ever unless he’s brought up by someone outside the fan base? He (like so many similar players who wore the star) wasn’t significant to the team’s history and to suggest the contrary is simply foolish. So yeah, that will make a Cowboys fan mad.
Ask if the Cowboys Will Make a Dumb Move in the Draft EVERY Year
Getty ImagesYes, we remember Quincy Carter and yes, we know Jerry Jones actually wanted to draft Johnny Manziel in the first round. We don’t need to be reminded of it months (or years) later. It’s embarrassing enough that it even happened (or almost happened in Manziel’s case), so making us remember the dead money that still counts against the salary cap because of those wastes isn’t good for our blood pressure.
