Nightly Hypotheticals With George Parros

By Michelle Drinnenberg

Earlier in the week, I wrote about NHL players voicing their opinions on Twitter. Now, I’m going to go a step further and have some fun as I participate in George Parros‘ #nightlyhypothetical on the social media site.

If you don’t know of Parros, he is your classic, old-time hockey-esque player. He has the size, toughness and the ‘stache that fits the old-school goon criteria — the Princeton graduate even has the brains to go along with it all. Most people remember Parros as an Anaheim Duck. This past offseason, he signed with the Florida Panthers and is awaiting to play in front of a toned and bronzed audience at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Fla.

As a Ducks’ fan, I can tell you that Parros means no harm off the ice. If you met him, you wouldn’t think that he was capable of inflicting bodily injury on a human being. He may be a threat on ice, but he unintentionally slides into the role of the jokster, goofball, wise guy or whatever you want to call it, on any team he plays and it shows in his demeanor off the ice with players, fans and now with his “nightly hypotheticals” movement.

On Sept. 23, Parros started his movement, which I’m sure most hockey fans on Twitter know of. If you are as clueless as Alicia Silverstone, I’ll give you a brief overview before I carry on in this hypothetical quest; since last month, Parros began posting tweets along the “would you rather” nature: Would you rather do this or that? I’m assuming he wasn’t expecting much of a turnout, but of course, countless hockey fans sent in tweets — maybe out of lockout boredom or for just pure entertainment reasons. Now, Parros sifts through the answers and tweets which hypothetical won over the majority the night before. Here are some examples of his nightly hypotheticals and my answer to each of them — feel free to tell me your picks!

9/23/12 – Would you rather… Have to speak in pig Latin 247 OR wear someone else’s gym clothes in all social settings?

This one is hard because Parros said you have to wear someone else’s gym clothes in all social settings. The “all” makes it tough, but I’d say to say that I’d wear the sweaty clothes. It’s nothing a little perfume, febreeze or a car freshener couldn’t disguise.

10/7/12- Nightly hypothetical: elephant trunk OR turtle shell???

Since when did kids want to dress up as Dumbo over the Ninja Turtles? This is a no brainer. Turtle shell, turtle power! Based on the results, people are still loyal to the turtles.

10/14/12- Nightly hypothetical: live as a fish out of water (u’d “catch” your breath by dunking your head in water) OR give up 2 of your senses

When I think of a fish out of water, for some reason I have flashbacks of Dominik Hasek flopping around in the net and he didn’t make it look pretty. Smell and touch aren’t too important. Done. I guess people were mixed on this one.

10/21/12- #nightlyhypothetical U have to get elective plastic surgery every year on a different part of ur body OR u have to gain 10 pounds every year

Since he never mention that I couldn’t lose the 10 pounds after I have gained it, I’d rather gain the pounds than end up looking like Dolly Parton on a good day. Unfortunately, I was the minority on this one — the plastic surgery rave was maybe a result of his So-Cal, Ducks’ fan base.

10/23/12- #nightlyhypothetical can only watch TV on a 1950s unit (small, no color, no remote) OR you can never go to the movies

Since I work in sports and sports are my life, I’d easily pick never going to the movies. With Redbox and Netflix, I can easily watch movies. Plus, I can’t have a TV from the 1950s and invite over friends to watch real-time hockey. That would be very “uncool” of me. Turns out, the people have spoken and most have agreed with me.

 10/24/12- #nightlyhypothetical all body hair grows as cooked pasta (diff types for diff areas) OR u have to spend 1 weekend a month in jail (gen pop)

Being a female, I have more surface area to shave than men. I would be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes let the hair on my legs grow out and spending a weekend in jail with the general population seems brutal. I’m an Orange County, California girl. I don’t know what happens on the streets and I don’t have a tattoo. If I must, I’ll shave more and take the pasta body hair.

I hope you had as much fun reading these and picking your own choices as I did. Leave it to George to make things entertaining. Stay tuned for future hypotheticals.

For more information throughout the season follow me on twitter @m_drinnenberg and on Facebook – Michelle Drinnenberg –

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