A Girls Guide to the Colorado Avalanche

By Derek Kessinger
Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports


After the wildly successful “Girl’s Guide to the Rangers” was released on the New York Rangers’ website, the team’s response was to act like nothing happened. However, it seems to be only a matter of time before the NHL asks all 30 NHL teams to release a “Girls Guide to (Insert Team Here).” So let me start off by creating the “Girls Guide to the Colorado Avalanche” and save the NHL the trouble.

1. Some of the best hockey writers I know, especially for Rant Sports, are in fact, women.

2. There are just as many women on Twitter who focus on the Avalanche as men. These women tweet more about hockey than about 70% off sales at the nearest mall.

3. I don’t know anyone in Colorado, male or female, who doesn’t admit that Gabriel Landeskog is an attractive man, but not as good looking as his Swedish predecessor Peter Forsberg. Hey Gabe!

4. You will be able to figure out when the Avalanche score without seeing the puck go in the net. Everyone gets up and screams and horns go off. I would say all hockey fans only see the puck go into the net about half the time.

5. Manon Rhéaume, Google her, she actually played goalie in two Tampa Bay Lightning preseason games. This is not a Manti Te’o girlfriend situation. From all indications she actually is a woman hockey player. They have whole teams and medals in the Olympics for such a sport.

6. It’s Avs not Aves. This is a note for all up and coming Avalanche fans, but the Biblical “Girls Guide” seemed like the best place to address this situation.

For those who do not read sarcasm well or worse cannot identify it in text form, this entire post is mocking the Rangers latest P.R. debacle. Did you know that over half of the United States population is female? Why do male professional sports continually try to alienate half of their audience with posts laced with sexism? (I realize the irony of this with the ads that sometimes accompany this site’s posts, but this is not a post indicting advertising.)

Back to focusing on the issue at hand though, women who care about sports are not more ignorant than men. Hockey has developed into a slightly elitist sport, which means that if you want to point out the strange nuances of the game or a team the guide should be addressed to new fans. Should we start classifying all hockey fans? The casual weekend fans, the Diet Coke drinking fans, the nachos with jalapeño’s fans, the hockey mascot fans…


Read More of Derek Kessinger’s Rantsports.com posts here.

Follow him on twitter @Derekindenver and stay up to date on his posts Facebook.com/derekdenver

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