15 Things You’ll Hear Non-Hockey Fans Say During A Game

By Nicholas A. Marsico

15 Things You’ll Hear Non-Hockey Fans Say During a Game

femalehockeyfans
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Hockey is the kind of sport that has a fairly specific following. The people who love and follow the game know the ins-and-outs of what goes on when the players skate out onto the ice. When they are enjoying a game and some dudes who won tickets in a raffle at work are sitting behind them talking about the game like toddlers seeing a giraffe for the first time, it can get really irritating.

Dishonorable Mention - Isn't Offside A Football Thing?

Yeo
Getty Images

Dishonorable Mention - Isn't Offside A Football Thing?

Yeo
Getty Images

Yes, yes it is. Soccer too! Why did you even come to this game?

Dishonorable Mention - Why Are They Trying To Win A Cup?

2014 NHL Stanley Cup Final - Game Five
Juan Ocampo/NHLI via Getty Images

Dishonorable Mention - Why Are They Trying To Win A Cup?

2014 NHL Stanley Cup Final - Game Five
Juan Ocampo/NHLI via Getty Images

It gets to a point in which you just want to start a hockey fight in the stands. It's even more aggravating when people say it as a joke. That's what you've got?

Dishonorable Mention - Why Are The Refs Wearing Skates?

NHL referee & linesman
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Dishonorable Mention - Why Are The Refs Wearing Skates?

NHL referees
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Yes, I've actually heard this one, and I have heard it more than once. It might be a passable offense if a kid asked that question, but not a grown man.

Dishonorable Mention - How Many Players Are Allowed On The Field?

2014 NHL Stadium Series - Chicago - Practice Day And Family Skate
Patrick McDermott/NHLI via Getty Images

Dishonorable Mention - How Many Players Are Allowed On The Field?

2014 NHL Stadium Series - Chicago - Practice Day And Family Skate
Patrick McDermott/NHLI via Getty Images

First, look down. Count the guys not wearing Footlocker uniforms. There's your answer. The aggravating part about hearing somebody say this is that they clearly don't care and are just asking to hear themselves speak. Does that look like a field down there? This ain't field hockey.

15. The Puck Is Too Hard To Follow

tazer kopitar
David Banks-USA TODAY Sports

15. The Puck Is Too Hard To Follow

tazer kopitar
David Banks-USA TODAY Sports

Look, I know it's small and those darn Canadian guys can move, but it's a very dark, monochromatic disc sliding around a very bright and shiny surface. Open your eyes and stop focusing on all of the pretty colors on the video boards all around the arena.

14. Why Did The Ref Let Him Push That Guy Into The Wall?

Pavel Datsyuk checks Andrei Markov
Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports

14. Why Did The Ref Let Him Push That Guy Into The Wall?

Pavel Datsyuk checks Andrei Markov
Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports

It's called body-checking, and it's legal so long as they don't hit the puck carrier in the head, or with their knee/elbow. It's a violent maneuver, but a good shoulder-to-shoulder hit can be effective.

13. I Don't See Anybody Wearing A Sweater

Seth Jones
Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports

13. I Don't See Anybody Wearing A Sweater

Seth Jones
Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports

Nobody was trying to convince you that Bill Cosby was going to be out there getting knocked around (though many would pay to see it). Ice hockey is an old sport that used to be played outdoors and in much colder general locales. To keep warm they wore shirts much more akin to what you would call a sweater than a modern day jersey. Purists still refer to them as sweaters even though they have since switched to a lighter, more breathable fabric.

12. Why Don't They Just Shoot The Puck?

kaner rask
Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

12. Why Don't They Just Shoot The Puck?

kaner rask
Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

See the guy in the thick pads? How about the five other guys wearing different colors? Just because they are on the offensive side doesn't mean there's an open shot. And if there is, they might not be able to see it. The view on the ice isn't quite the bird's eye view that you have. This isn't air hockey, you know.

11. I'm Bored. No One Has Even Scored Yet!

Ilya Bryzgalov
Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

11. I'm Bored. No One Has Even Scored Yet!

Ilya Bryzgalov
Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

Then clearly you aren't paying attention. The great thing about hockey is the score could be 0-0 and still be the most action-packed game all year. High scores don't equate to a good game!

10. Why Are They Having A Fist Fight?

Ben Lovejoy Fight
Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

10. Why Are They Having A Fist Fight?

Ben Lovejoy Fight
Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

Well, they are, so sit down and shut up. Tempers flare and passions run deep. It's part of the game. Yes, sometimes blood hits the ice. If you can't stomach it, look away (for the rest of the game). Haven't you ever heard the saying "I went to the boxing match and a hockey game broke out"?

9. I Love Gretzky, He's The Best of All Time!

Edmonton Oilers v Boston Bruins
Steve Babineau/NHLI via Getty Images

9. I Love Gretzky, He's The Best of All Time!

Edmonton Oilers v Boston Bruins
Steve Babineau/NHLI via Getty Images

How about spelling his last name for me, fanboy. Don't just automatically say he's your favorite when you've never seen him play. He is arguably the greatest offensive player to ever live. If you know nothing about hockey or the man himself, don't say it because you heard it on ESPN 2 the other day.

8. Who Is Wayne Gretzky?

Los Angeles Kings former player Wayne Gretzky
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

8. Who Is Wayne Gretzky?

Los Angeles Kings former player Wayne Gretzky
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

This is just as bad as the last. Almost everyone at one point in time has heard the name Wayne Gretzky, even in passing. Elementary school children and grandmothers alike can be asked who this is and could place him as a hockey player. If you only know him as the angry dad of the hot girl on Twitter, please exit the arena.

7. Why Won't This Game Ever End?

Buffalo Sabres v Philadelphia Flyers - Game One
Getty Images

7. Why Won't This Game Ever End?

Buffalo Sabres v Philadelphia Flyers - Game One
Getty Images

If you're lucky enough to attend a Stanley Cup Finals game in person, be prepared to possibly spend a long time in the arena. There's no time limit to the length of the game. There are no shootouts, and there are no ties. The teams play until someone scores, sometimes two or three (or more) periods later.

6. Who Has The Ball?

St. Louis Blues v Philadelphia Flyers
Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

6. Who Has The Ball?

St. Louis Blues v Philadelphia Flyers
Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

It's called a puck, you nincompoop. It is a cylindrical shape, not a sphere. No ball here, sir.

5. Take My Picture In Front Of The Glass!

Crazy fans
Getty images

5. Take My Picture In Front Of The Glass!

Crazy fans
Getty Images

This is only acceptable before or after the game. Otherwise, you're in the way. I get that you're excited that there's a fight going on down there, but you'll be mocked mercilessly if you stand up and block the view of others.

4. When's Kickoff/Tipoff?

Faceoff
Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

4. When's Kickoff/Tipoff?

Faceoff
Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

It's not football. The players are literally facing each other and the puck enters the faceoff circle. There's no kickoff. There's no tipoff. Just a faceoff. Think before you speak. Don't embarrass yourself trying to use the lingo of the sport. Just ask when the game starts.

3. It's The Last Quarter

USA-CAN semis score
Getty Images

3. It's The Last Quarter

USA-CAN semis score
Getty Images

I'm glad you realized that this is the last set of regulation minutes in the game, but take a gander upward. You see that three? Simple math. If the third set is the last, then none of them are quarters. They are called periods. There are three 20-minute periods in a regulation game. I don't care how you slice it; they are not quarters.

2. Why Would Anybody Want To Be A Goalie? That's Insane!

Philadelphia Flyers v Tampa Bay Lightning
Scott Audette/NHLI via Getty Images

2. Why Would Anybody Want To Be A Goalie? That's Insane!

Philadelphia Flyers v Tampa Bay Lightning
Scott Audette/NHLI via Getty Images

They're protected with masks and humongous pads and are fully trained on positioning, aiming and the intricacies of the game. It's not like they send out any layman to be goalie. These guys aren't human shields. If you were attending a game in the 1960s you might have a valid question. Most of those men probably were crazy.

1. It's Cold In Here!

chicago blackhawks ice
Rob Grabowski-USA Today Sports

1. It's Cold In Here!

chicago blackhawks ice
Rob Grabowski-USA Today Sports

You don't say? There's a large rink of ice staring you in the face. What'd you think they were playing on? Grass? The cul de sac at the end of your street? Wear a sweater next time.

Nicholas A. Marsico is a featured writer for Rant Sports. Follow him on Twitter!

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