Introducing the Steven Gerrard Fourth-of-July photoshop contest! Simply photoshop Liverpool and England midfielder Steven Gerrard into your favorite music video and email it as a .jpeg (640 x 360) to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will grade the entries on inventiveness, realism, Britishness, and overall humour. (See what I did there?) Extra points will be awarded for gratuitous thigh imagery and obscure historical references (the Protestant Wind comes to mind for some reason).
The best entry, as deemed by me and a panel of imaginary judges, including Charles Darwin, Sir David Attenborough, and Richard Dawkins, will be posted on this very site, which I imagine is quite a prestigious honor. Then you can tweet the post to all of your friends and neighbors, and even print one out to hang on the old fridge. Then have some tea and talk about how England is going to win the next big tournament they’re in. Always fun.
So go to it, the clock is ticking! Write by the light of fireworks if you have to. Burn the midnight oil, and other clichés, until you’ve got the perfectly Gerrardian picture. I will accept entries up until 5pm CST on Friday, July 6th. Making Gerrard-inspired photoshop images is the perfect way to pay respect to those who died defending liberty* against the tyrannical British, right? I know Thomas Paine would agree, and he was British! So do it for Steven Gerrard, but more importantly, do it for Freedom and Justice TM.
*By liberty I mean the liberty to not pay taxes while simultaneously owning other people.
Again, that email is email@example.com
You can also follow me on Twitter – @expedeherculem