Steven Gerrard Will Outdance You in an Empty Subway System, So Don’t Push Him

After looking over the thousands* of entries that came flooding in for the Steven Gerrard Fourth-of-July Photoshop Contest last week, I’ve decided that the winner is, in a word, Bad. Yes, nothing says Steven Gerrard like besting a rival dance crew headed by Wesley Snipes in the subway while wearing a black leather jacket with 16,000 zippers. They do that all the time in Liverpool, right?

Actually, this isn’t that terrible of a look for Steven. He might want to consider leading a Michael Jackson tribute tour as his post-football career (although impersonating the King of Pop might be just as stressful on one’s knees). In lieu of the actual dancing in that case, he could just slink around town in the jacket, possibly on roller skates, spray-painting “BAD” on any unsurveilled wall. It wouldn’t pay much, but damn it would be highly rewarding work.

In any event, this winning image isn’t very British, but it does capture Gerrard’s street-cred nicely. The accuracy is no surprise, as the entry came to me from the same artist behind Michael Jackson Volcano Cake, a collection of photoshopped images of, well, Michael Jackson, volcanoes, and cakes.

But, even though a winner for this round has been crowned, that’s no reason you can’t still send in your own entry with the hopes that it graces this screen in the near future. So remember, for all you kids at home playing along, if you’d like to send in an entry it must be a .jpg at 640 width by 360 height. The photoshopped image must be of Gerrard in a famous music video. And keep in mind, accuracy and realism count in the highly complicated** scoring process.

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* Did I say thousands? I might have embellished this number slightly.

** By complicated I mean I look at the image and if it’s funny I’ll post it.

 

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