Tyrannosaurus Rant: Bold Predictions for NFL Week 4

The Chicago Bears will be making the trip to the Motor City to face the Detroit Lions on Sunday. After a brutal first half, Lions head coach Jim Schwartz will promise to throw the team a pizza party if they are able to come away with a come-from-behind victory.  When asked if he thought the pizza would be delivery or DiGiorno, Schwartz responded, “Probably DiGiorno, because everyone knows that our team isn’t good at delivering.”

Matt Flynn will be getting the nod for the Oakland Raiders this week as Terrelle Pryor recovers from a concussion he sustained in Week 3. Flynn will throw for an insane 480 yards and six touchdowns only to find himself supplanted at quarterback next week by the W-W-W-Waterboy!

In Tampa Bay, head coach Greg Schiano made the bold switch to rookie-signal caller Mike Glennon this week.  When asked after their game what prompted the quarterback switch from incumbent Josh Freeman to Glennon, Schiano responded by saying, “Have you seen those two guys from The Matrix Reloaded?!”

The winless Minnesota Vikings and 0-3 Pittsburgh Steelers will be making a trip across the pond to Wembley Stadium for a game in jolly ole’ London town this weekend.  In an effort to appeal to the NFL’s European fan base, commissioner Roger Goodell stated that he chose the Vikings and Steelers for the overseas contest in an effort to make European ‘futball’ fans feel right at home.  Final score: Steelers 2, Vikings 0.

And finally, the Indianapolis Colts will be paying a visit to the Jacksonville Jaguars this weekend as Jacksonville quarterback Blaine Gabbert will return from injury to make his second start of the year.  When asked before the game what his main goal is for the rest of the season, Gabbert responded by saying, “I want to prove to everyone everywhere, that I am without a doubt — the worst quarterback NFL history.” Godspeed, Blaine — Godspeed.

Well party people, that is it for week 4!  Thanks for watching and be sure to join me next week, for more bold predictions on this year’s NFL season!