I have often wondered, What is the national sport of Turkey? I’m sure you have too. Well, I did some research, and it turns out it is wrestling. But not Olympic wrestling, or ‘I am the Rock, I will destroy you!’ — not that kind of wrestling. No, in this kind of wrestling, well-sculpted men put on leather capri pants and cover themselves in oil and then wrestle in a field. No, this isn’t Perez Hilton’s dream come true; it’s Turkish Oil wrestling, the national sport of Turkey. I’m not making this up!
Now the first tournaments were held in Turkey in 1346, so they had almost a 700-year head start on the United States to develop a national sport. We developed baseball, basketball and football while they stuck with oil wrestling. So now we understand why Turkey is not an international power.
The wrestlers cover themselves in olive oil, sometimes they use the cheaper sunflower oil on their pants. I suggested they spray themselves with Pam because it is a lot less calories. That suggestion was met with icy stares. It appears they believe strongly in tradition.
To win, you need to work your arm in to your opponents pants to control him. I’m not making that part up either. That part reminds me a lot of marriage.
In the United States we have improved on the tradition. We take girls in bikinis, cover them in oil, and let them wrestle. That, boys and girls, is American ingenuity at work. Take that Turkey! And don’t mention the marriage part to my wife. And remember, I’m not making this up.