Hey there, my fellow Internet party animals. Welcome to T-Rant! Halloween is sadly over but I’m back, here to give you my bold predictions and contemplations for Week 10 of the NFL season.
This past week, Miami Dolphins starting guard Richie Incognito was suspended indefinitely due to bullying and harassing voicemails he left on the phone of departed rookie offensive tackle Jonathan Martin. This week, when Incognito finally returned my call to comment on the situation, he left me the voice message that we are going to listen to for the first time right now:
“Listen up you, Justin Bieber-looking piece of [expletive]. I’m going to [expletive] you like a rag doll and coat your face with [expletive]. Do you hear me? If you say a single bad word about me, I’m going [expletive] impregnate your [expletive] and not pay child support you piece of [expletive] [expletive]. I will find you, and I will [expletive] your face!”
After this past weekend’s loss to the Kansas City Chiefs, Buffalo Bills head coach Doug Marrone stated, “I’m going to go home, not talk to anybody, just shut it down. I’m going to be by myself, I’m not going to pet my dog and I’m going to get fired up.” Upon hearing his owner’s tirade, the Marrone family’s nine-month old poodle mix, Sprinkles, responded, “And I thought I was the only little bitch in this family…”
Next up, after being suspended for the remainder of the season for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Justin Blackmon will defend himself on Twitter this week by tweeting:
“If you only had Blaine Gaebbert and Chad Henne throwin you the ball, you’d turn to crack too! LOL #JaguarsNation #Mybad #Ilovedrugs #CrackKing
Coming off an insane seven-touchdown performance, Philadelphia Eagles signal caller Nick Foles will express his newfound confidence as he predicts an upset win against the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field this coming weekend. After hearing the slack-jawed quarterback’s proclamation, Aaron Rogers responded by saying, “That boy better discount double check himself, before he wrecks himself. Seriously though, that is some big talk, almost as big at the Pizza Hut Big Dinner Box that you can get any day of the week for only $19.99!” And then he’ll look to the side and ask: “Can I have my $10 million check now?”
And finally, after the recent string of health problems that struck the coaching staffs of both the Denver Broncos and the Houston Texans, New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan will be asked what changes he will make during the bye week to better physically prepare himself for the rigors of sideline. Ryan will respond by saying, “It’s called the Mogwai diet. No exposure to bright lights, no getting wet and no eating after midnight. And if I don’t follow the plan exactly, I will turn into Andy Reid.
Well everyone, that’s a wrap for Week 10. Thanks for stopping by and be sure to join me again for T-Rant next week, as I give you more of tomorrow’s biggest news, today!