Tyrannosaurus Rant: Bold Predictions for NFL Week 11

Welcome back, my cyber friends, to T-Rant! It’s Week 11 and I’m talking so open up those peepers and clean out your earholes, because tomorrow’s biggest news is coming at you right now!

First up, when asked how he’s planning to get the sheepish Jonathan Martin to talk to him, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross will respond by saying, “Well, first I’m gonna give him the noogie and then I’m gonna give him the wedgie til he squeals for me! Ha ha ha!”

Next up, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was spotted walking on Bourbon street before the team’s game against the New Orleans Saints this past weekend. Jones stated that, “The best part of the trip was meeting all the local girls — gone wild — and preparing to feed on them. I mean, make them bleed. Beads! I’m not a vampire.”

Noted quarterbacking fan Tim Tebow is in the news again; this time it appears that Tebow is considering a career in broadcasting should no one continue to take him seriously.

Pictures of Saints defensive coordinator Rob Ryan drinking celebratory brews after his team’s win against Cowboys surfaced on the interwebs earlier this week. When asked what his beer of choice is, he will respond by saying, “Anything that helps me forget that I’m the fat twin!”

Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Dwayne Bowe was arrested early Sunday by police in Missouri for possession of a controlled substance and speeding and ruining my fantasy team.

Next up, Ed Reed was cut by the Houston Texans this week after playing in only seven games and collecting nearly $6 million in salary and bonuses. Reed said he’s not worried though, as he will happily continue his other career moonlighting as the world’s richest homeless person.

And finally, both the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Jacksonville Jaguars enjoyed their first victories of the season this past weekend, confirming the impending apocalypse.

Well my rantasapiens, that’s it for Week 11 of T-Rant! But thanks for stopping by and be sure to join us again next week as I give you more of tomorrow’s biggest news, today.