Hello there, my rantamaniandevils, and welcome back to T-Rant! We are already on our way to Week 14 of the NFL season, so get ready for me to pollenate your brain with my bold predictions and soothsayings as we head into this weekend’s slate of NFL games.
Denver Broncos running back Knowshon Moreno was seen crying on the sidelines of the team’s game against the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday. After witnessing his teammate in tears, Broncos veteran quarterback Peyton Manning came to Moreno’s aid by saying, “There’s Know-shon crying! There’s Know-shon crying in football!”
Next up, sports super agent Drew Rosenhaus did it again this week, signing up his most overpaid free agent yet, as he actually convinced someone to marry him. Rosenhaus came to matrimonial terms with Miami real estate agent and real life Barbie doll Lisa Thomson this past Saturday after over a year of dating. The signing includes all the money in Drew’s wallet, full use of the company jet and the bearing of Rosenhaus’ Frodo-looking future children. Thompson’s deal also includes a full opt out clause after the third year, which the bride stated as being, “paramount to the terms of the contract.”
Alrighty, this week the Washington Redskins will chart a trail of tears as they play host to the vaunted Chiefs defense Sunday Afternoon. After the Chiefs beat down of the similarly named Redskins, local ‘Skins fan and D.C. Native American Running Bear will call the game, “the single greatest degradation of the Native American people since Johnny Depp in ‘The Lone Ranger.’ ”
And finally, Toronto mayor Rob Ford was spotted wearing a Fred Jackson jersey at the Buffalo Bills–Atlanta Falcons game in Toronto this weekend. When asked what it’s like being a fan of the ghastly Bills franchise, Ford responded by saying, “You know I smoke crack, eh?”
Well that’s a wrap for Week 14, my Internet party people. Thanks again for dropping by and be sure to come see me again next week as I give you more of tomorrow’s biggest headline news today!