5. Become A Texas Longhorn Rancher
For starters, Brown might consider the lonely, rugged life of a cowboy, herding and ranching actual Texas longhorns.
For starters, Brown might consider the lonely, rugged life of a cowboy, herding and ranching actual Texas longhorns.
Brown was the head football coach of the University of North Carolina Tar Heels from 1988-97. He was originally hired for that gig under the promise that he would not go to the University of Texas, which, of course, he specifically did in 1997.
Since then, he has become the highest paid public official, perhaps in the world, with a salary alone of more than $5 million. Perhaps they'd have him back as head coach at UNC. The Tarheels are known for letting bygones be bygones, aren't they?
With all that cash he made during his 16-year stint as head coach at Texas, perhaps Brown should consider going into investment banking. He could be the next Gordon Gekko. Greed is good, Mack, greed is good.
Given Brown's cheery disposition, there's still time for him to join the ranks of Santa's happy little helper elves to help meet the yearly gift quota. Case in point, an epic, and I mean epic, meltdown in December of 2012 when Brown went on a public segue into psychosis on national television during a game against the Kansas State Wildcats. He proceeded to hurl his headphones onto the ground with utter contempt, then realized a moment later that he needed them to, ya know, continue coaching.
After all, smiling is Brown's favorite.
Why leave Texas with bad blood? Granted, recruiting was never your strong suit, Mack, and you might have to take a substantial pay cut, but how about taking on more of an administrative role at Texas and helping out with recruitment?
Your first order of business? Finding your own replacement.
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