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Portland University Golfer Earns NCAA Sanction For Washing Her Car

Brian Spurlock – USA TODAY SPORTS

Just when you thought you’ve heard of the most ridiculous NCAA sanction, the world’s most notoriously pointless organization always finds a way to top themselves. This time around, it’s in the sanction of a Portland University female golfer who — gasp — dared to wash her car with a hose and water belonging to the university.

Perish the thought.

She should be drawn and quartered in public for her arrogance.

Anyhow, according to one of the more archaic NCAA rules — right up there with specifics on bagel spread — it’s illegal for a student-athlete to use a school’s utilities for the athlete’s own personal gain. Portland self-reported the minor NCAA violation to avoid a molehill turning into a mountain, and in return the NCAA demanded the athlete pay $20 back to the university for the cost of the water used since the hose she used to wash the car wasn’t available to “the average student”.

Yes, I’m serious.

You can’t make this stuff up.

It’s just exasperating to think that coaches and athletic administrators are having to keep an eagle eye out on their athletes to ensure that no one is doing any unauthorized car washing. After all, if we allow car washing to be performed using university resources, what’s next?

It could soon become a domino effect of untold chaos and destruction.

Far be it from me to assume that the NCAA has bigger fish to fry like, oh, I don’t know, the fact that their member schools are profiting off the backs of student-athletes without those student-athletes seeing a dime of the revenue they generate. That academics is an annoyance for the majority of Division I athletes rather than a priority. That the amateur ideal is nothing more than a punchline to an ever-increasing joke of an organization.

Nah, a little water used to clean up a dirty car is much more important.

Sigh.

Kris Hughes is a Senior Writer for Rant Sports. You can follow Kris on TwitterGoogle and Facebook