Facebook – Official Ultimate Warrior page
The Ultimate Warrior has responded to Vince McMahon‘s “Welcome Back” Twitter gesture with a hilariously entertaining rant typical of Warrior’s crazed persona. The good news? Warrior, for the first time in years, wants to come back to the WWE.
If you took Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Rush Limbaugh, and mixed them all together like extraneous pieces of Play-Doh, you would get a marvelous creation similar to the Ultimate Warrior.
Back in the day, the Ultimate Warrior was the biggest star in the wrestling business. He was the first guy to legitimately defeat Hulk Hogan without the help of an evil twin referee, in front of 67,678 fans inside Toronto’s Skydome. The epic match, one of the best of all-time featuring two guys who couldn’t do a dropkick, took place in 1990 — on April Fool’s Day. How appropriate.
In ways John Cena could only fantasize about, the Warrior was legitimately popular with the fans. Like Cena, the Warrior could not wrestle. Like the great Gorilla Monsoon used to say, he wouldn’t know a wrist lock from a wrist watch.
But unlike Cena, it didn’t matter. Warrior’s music would hit, he would race to the ring like a bat out of hell (or faster than a fan to the bathroom during a Ryback match), destroy his opponent with super stiff punches, and be showered and headed to the airport 30 minutes later.
The Warrior was supposed to be the guy who carried the company so Hogan could go make awful movies. It never happened. Warrior, like Batman, Michael Jackson and Michael Richards’ career, was the hottest thing going … and then he was gone, gone gone, Phillip Phillips-style.
Wildly popular with the fans, Warrior was about as popular as Barry Bonds with his colleagues behind-the-scenes. He didn’t socialize with the boys. He kept to himself. He wanted more money. In fact, he once threatened to not appear at SummerSlam unless he got more money and travel perks. Warrior, who also battled rumours of steroid use throughout his career, fizzled worse than Colin Kaepernick in the Super Bowl.
This guy had the future of professional wrestling in his hands, but after blowing everybody out in the first half, he just collapsed in the second. The fans were the real losers. Warrior had something you just can’t teach: off-the-chart charisma. His interviews were legendary, but with brilliance often comes dysfunction.
Warrior had a brief, absolutely horrible run in WCW, then left wrestling and became a conservative commentator. He preached that “queering don’t make the world work,” and seems to have a disdain for anyone who is out-of-shape, liberal, ugly, not perfect, or not exactly like him.
Warrior just signed a deal to appear in the WWE 2K14 video game. His body looks only slightly smaller than it did in the early 1990s. His long, golden-frosted hair is gone, and he now sports the short flat-top crop like he had when he and Sting teamed up as Blade and Rock as the Blade Runners.
Yes, Warrior was the Rock before The Rock.
Few things would be sweeter than seeing the Warrior return to the WWE. To hear him cut a promo on Cena, feud with CM Punk or even better, be the leader of Zeb Coulter‘s conservative stable, would bring a little bit of much-needed energy and intensity back to the WWE because in case the WWE forgot, we are all very sick of Cena as a good guy.
Joshua Molina is a mixed martial arts and pro wrestling writer for www.rantsports.com. Follow him on Twitter @JECMolina and add him to your network on Google.
