15 Worst Athletes To Date In Sports

1 of 16

15 Worst Athletes to Date

title
USA Today Sports

Ever date an athlete before? No? Well, as a former athlete myself, let me tell you they can be a strange breed.

It’s not like meeting up with a normal person because that would be far too simple. Athletes have to have their dates catered to their every wish and whim and anything short will result in complete desertion. There are ways for you to avoid this, though. Make sure you have remembered by heart every single one of their achievements, awards, divorces and whatever else you receive on the form they will fax you prior to the date.

Know that you can answer up to three questions wrong before he screams at you for not caring about who he is as a person and calls his limo driver Courtney to come pick him up. If you manage to pass the preliminary round of questioning, then it’s on to the actual date where the athletes personalities will shine the brightest.

Are you going on a date with a middle linebacker? Then prepare to eat raw meat in a forest. Are you going on a date with a quarterback? Then prepare to stand in line while six other women go on a date with him first. Is it a hockey player? Then prepare to tell your parents that you might not be coming home for the next two months. Is it Rajon Rondo? Then prepare to eat sushi and Gatorade every waking moment of your now miserable life. If you choose to continue this far, I warn you very very sternly, these are the five worst athletes you can date.

2 of 16

Manu Ginobili

ginobili
USA Today Sports

Very pricey date. He will take you to a place you can’t pronounce and then argue with you about the monetary value of rice before insulting your father’s taste in luxury cars.

3 of 16

Rob Gronkowski

gronk
USA Today Sports

He’ll take you to any college bar in the immediate area. When you get there, he’ll say a password at the door that gets both of you into his underground fight club where he’ll brag about his martial arts skills before getting assaulted into the hospital in 0.5 seconds by a Samoan named Musaku.

4 of 16

James Harrison

james
USA Today Sports

Harrison enjoys going to movies, very affordable. After the movie, he will question you on the gender of free weights and ramble uncontrollably about different advantages pieces have in monopoly. He will then rip out three of his teeth and hand them to you. These are tracking devices. if you take them, he will find you. Just politely decline.

5 of 16

Alexander Ovechkin

ovechkin
USA Today Sports

Bring a helmet. Ovechkin will pick you up in a scooter and then drive through a wall of vodka bottles while chanting “In Soviet Russia, car drive you!” If you haven’t jumped out at this point, he will suggest buying a lawnmower and riding it through a religious congregation of your choice. Don’t do this either. Two denials and he’ll take you to Chuck E. Cheese's where he will pass out in a ball pit after 15 minutes, this is when you escape.

6 of 16

Joe Flacco

joe
USA Today Sports

Joe Flacco will pick you up in an SUV and drive you to a tennis court where he will stare at a fence for three hours laughing hysterically.

7 of 16

Jonathan Papelbon

USA Today Sports
USA Today Sports

It's hard to look at this guy's eyes as a baseball fan. Dude has an intense stare down tactic he uses against opposing hitters. Can you imagine what it would be like for a girl to make eye contact with him?

8 of 16

Terrell Owens

USA Today Sports
USA Today Sports

T.O. has an ego a mile long. He's probably one of those guys that talks about himself in the third person and flexes his muscles in the mirror while admiring himself. Head case.

9 of 16

Ndamukong Suh

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

There's more and more mounting evidence that this guy is off his rocker and can flip out at the drop of dime. If I were a girl, I'd be scared as heck to date this guy.

10 of 16

Lance Armstrong

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

This moron is the epitome of a sociopath. Not only does he lie constantly, he's willing to drag other people through the mud and discredit them to protect his lies. Not exactly what the ladies are looking for in a partner.

11 of 16

Alex Rodriguez

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

Liar, cheater, selfish - just a few things you could call A-Rod. How can women be even remotely attracted to a guy nicknamed A-Fraud? Because he has stacks of money in his mansion. SMH.

12 of 16

Johnny Manziel

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

This dude's party history is well documented. He's all about living it up and having a good time, so I'm going to go ahead and doubt he has time for a committed relationship right now.

13 of 16

Kris Humphries

USA Today Sports
USA Today Sports

Can you say baggage? This poor soul was engaged to Kim Kardashian. American's with half a brain are still trying to figure out what the reality star brings to the table and if Humphries saw something in her besides money, I feel sorry for him.

14 of 16

Ryan Braun

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

This guy's a real winner. He lies, he cheats, he records statements to defend himself against allegations. Go back and watch the video from 2012 and tell me this guy is not off in the head.

15 of 16

Tiger Woods

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

Oh, Tiger. How your world came crumbling down a few years back. This guy was sleeping with anything that moved for awhile. He led a double life and probably would have continued to do it if he hadn't gotten caught. Anyone who cheats on someone as beautiful as Elin Nordegren, clearly has issues.

16 of 16

Manti Te'o

USA TODAY Sports
USA TODAY Sports

Unquestionably, the worst athlete for women to date is Manti Te'o. Dude had an imaginary girlfriend and the oddest story behind it you will ever hear. There's no way he's recovered from that incident if he was duped and there's no way he's completely sane if he made the whole thing up. Stay away, ladies. Stay away.


Around the Web

  • drew torrence

    the ovechkin one made me chuckle

  • Jesse Leiker

    This was funny.

  • Clint Clifton

    After watching Monday night football Phillip rivers really needs to be added to this list

  • e jerry powell

    Isn’t Manu married anyway?