Tyrannosaurus Rant: Bold Predictions for NFL Week 13

All right, my fellow Internet soothsayers welcome back to another edition of TRANT! The regular season is reaching its home stretch, so let’s get going with my bold predictions and conjectures for week 13 of the NFL season.

First up, Dallas Cowboys defensive tackle Jason Hatcher had ‘fake’ blood smeared all over his face after the team’s victory against the New York Giants on Sunday. When asked what prompted the bloody mess Hatcher stated, “I just got finished feasting. I just got finished eating a Giant”. In related news, I too have started the Jerry Jones diet…and it’s working.

In other news, the Cleveland Browns lost again on Sunday – go figure – but in an exercise of solidarity by their hometown fans, they too displayed their ineptitude, as they were unable to figure out how to hold their ‘DAWG POUND’ end zone sign right side up. Browns Coach Rob Chudzinski called it the most embarrassing gaffe in Browns history; well, since the 2013 season.

Next up, Fox announcer Daryl Johnston made quite the faux paux on Sunday when he accidentally referred to St. Louis Rams receiver Tavon Austin, as Tavon Martin. After the game, Johnson commented on the social gaffe saying, “It’s not a big deal, George Zimmermann and I aren’t even that good of friends…I mean, I couldn’t hunt down, I mean catch Martin, I mean Austin, even if I really really wanted to…. [gulp] I’m not racist.”

After a career day, New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford was ‘randomly’ tested for Performance Enhancing Drugs, adding further credence to the NFL’s newest legislation to and treat punters like actual football players.

Finally, for the second time in as many weeks, a fan decided to jump from the upper deck of their team’s football stadium. After first occurring in Buffalo last weekend, a female fan in Oakland decided to take the leap of faith herself this weekend in what seems to be the NFL’s newest craze. And being someone who prides himself on keeping up with the latest trends, I am now going to jump from the top of our studio and land neatly in my chair.

It didn’t end well…

Either way, be sure to come and see me again next week, as I give you more of tomorrow’s biggest NFL news, today!