WWE: Tons Of Funk Needs To Join The Wyatt Family

Photo Courtesy of The Wyatt Family – WWE Universe Facebook Page

Now that you’ve stopped laughing at the headline, just hear me out here — I promise it will make sense.

Tons of Funk joining, or being brainwashed into the Wyatt Family would be incredibly beneficial for both sides, and could only stand to gain momentum for all of it’s members.

Let’s start with the Tons of Funk side of things. These two behemoths, Brodus Clay and Tensai, are currently directionless and are basically together just so heel tag teams have someone to look good against and pick up a victory over. They certainly qualify as what they call “jobbers”, and that’s just not how it should be.

When Tensai entered the WWE for the second time around, he was hailed as an unbeatable monster. He was immediately thrust into matches that saw him pick up victories over John Cena and CM Punk. Before that, he was one of the biggest names in Japan under the name Giant Bernard, and he was one of the best bad guys that they have ever had. His character has been demoted to a comedy act, and that is not doing his talent any justice.

Brodus Clay entered the scene in NXT, where he finished in second place to Johnny Curtis (Fandango). He got a spot on WWE TV as Alberto Del Rio‘s body guard, and he was one of the more intimidating presences on the whole roster. He was your prototypical monster heel, and fans were shocked when he came out as the “Funkasaurus.” It’s pretty unbelievable that he’s also been demoted to the level he is at now.

When they first teamed up, I had hoped that they would become a heel tag team and dominate the tag team division with their brute size and strength. Tensai stands 6-foot-7, 360 pounds and Clay is also 6-foot-7 and weighs in at 365 pounds, so it’s inexplicable that they are taken down so easily by teams that are so much smaller than them.

They each have a mean streak in them, as evidenced by their previous work, and all it would take is the right person to bring that out of them: enter Bray Wyatt.

Ever since the Wyatt Family debuted, Bray has established himself as one of, if not the best speakers in all of WWE. His promos are the most captivating I have seen in years (have you seen his Sister Abigail promo? It’s potentially the best I’ve ever seen) and given his recent “kidnapping” of Kane, a similar storyline could be put in place for the two Tons of Funk members.

He could go on to say that they were once monsters, but have lost their way.

With Tensai having gotten rid of his face paint and also beginning to grow a beard, the look is basically already there, and it’s the same with Clay. They both have the size that Erick Rowan (6-foot-8, 318 pounds) and Luke Harper (6-foot-5, 262 pounds) possess, so they would fit right in. All that would need to be done is to change their attire to something that fit the group better, which would not be hard at all.

On top of those minor changes, they would also obviously have to stop associating with Naomi and Cameron (the Funkadactyls) as they really have no place in the group, unless it was decided that the Family should have female followers, too.

This separation between Clay and those two could be done in a variety of ways, but whichever way that creative decides to go with it, it could be done in a way that makes him and Tensai even more destructive. These two monsters are just waiting to be unleashed, and there is no doubt that Bray Wyatt is the man that can bring that fire and drive out of them.

I know the idea sounds ridiculous, but it just makes all the sense in the world. Follow the buzzards, Tons of Funk.

Follow Brian Rzeppa on Twitter.


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  • jaybreezy

    this is exactly what SHOULDNT happen. the wyatt fam thing is cool as hell. like a 21st century dudley boys. tons of funk are corny failed gimmicks. who wants another cheesy nexxus scenario. the nwo and dx super group worked well then. not anymore.

    • Brian Rzeppa

      Eventually, though, you have to think that they’re going to have to add members. Wyatt is supposed to be a cult leader of sorts, so how good would he look if he only was able to have 2 (probably 3) followers? They’re going to have to grow eventually, and I think Clay/Tensai are the right type of guys to add.

  • andrewa

    a cooler/modern version of the ministry! I love the idea.