Whoever paid $50 for the Royal Rumble got something equivalent to a Goldust slap to the face. It was predictable from start to finish. If anyone didn’t suspect that Roman Reigns or Batista was going to win, then they haven’t been keeping up with the predictable trends of the WWE lately. But before we get to that, let me reflect on the fans and their wishes on the rest of the card.
The best match was Daniel Bryan and Bray Wyatt. I have been with these guys and their story all along, and they are the best wrestlers and the best actors. There is no comparison, and they proved it at the Royal Rumble. Quite frankly, I think that WWE gave in to fan pressure too early and had Bryan turn face too soon, but I appreciate that the two gave their all to the crowd in Pittsburgh.
Then there is Brock Lesnar, the emotionless brick. Everyone clamored for this match, with some even claiming that it might be the Match of the Year. That is extremely laughable. Lesnar is back to draw suckers that still think he is relevant. The whole match was one chair shot after another, and none of them were the good ones like Mick Foley and the Rock took at their “I Quit Match”. Lesnar is awful, and I stand by that despite the diehard fans that think the WWE should resemble MMA.
If Lesnar wasn’t boring enough, John Cena and Randy Orton took the rest of the fun and excitement that lingered in the air from the Bryan and Wyatt match. They put on a stinker, and the fans were so antsy that they were screaming anything to get them to quit. Finally the lights went out and gave us a break from another match with these two and their gigantic egos. Apparently Cena saw the pop that Wyatt could give a face and now wants to claim Bray Wyatt for himself.
The Rumble itself had some nice surprises. Kane returned and Kevin Nash limped out to the ring. JBL got eliminated by worrying about his nice crisp jacket, and Sheamus showed up and proved that the WWE is desperately grasping for someone else for fans to cheer for.
Of course, there were no surprises as to who won. I knew it would be one of those two. Get ready for some tired, contrived storylines heading towards WrestleMania. Batista looks less like a champion and more like an aging rap star, but we will see. If the WWE wanted to shock us, they would have allowed Sheamus to win or at least risk it with Superman Reigns. I am dreading the Batista promos in the future.