My Friend Wins Historic FIFA 2012 Playstation Match Six-Nil Against Barcelona
Last week I got a text from my friend in Baltimore about his playstation FIFA 2012 obsession:
“Had the greatest fifa victory of my life the other day. Six-nil over Barcelona in the champions cup final. Still celebrating.”
Naturally, I decided this feat made him worthy of an interview. Ecce:
1. What preparation did you make to achieve this historic win?
Burned my thumbs to increase callous thickness, stole Javier Mascherano to make my midfield impenetrable.
2. Clearly the most important result of the victory is unlocking a new kit. That’s not really a question, just a statement for you to agree with.
Indeed; agreed. In the newer versions however, the kits are already unlocked so far as I can tell. Each team usually has two or three. The new thing is the earning of trophies, which I managed to do during this heart-stopping performance. The “Quickly Now!” trophy is awarded for scoring shortly after a quick throw-in. ’cause I’m relentless like that.
3. What’s next for the champ?
Now coaching the Rangers in a player/manager role using a custom player in my own mold, named Oliver Clothesoff.
4. Seriously, how overrated is Barcelona?
Short answer: to an annoying degree. Longer answer: The EA Sports FIFA 12 design team is clearly believing the hype on this one, as they have made Barcelona FC the dominant club by a sizable margin. Just because you win the champions cup and have a number of alums from the world cup champs doesn’t mean you are “The Greatest Club Ever ™”. Moving forward through 1-0 victories in four knockout matches does not exactly speak volumes about the level of your play, regardless of the talent levels of your individuals and depth or team ball control or whatever (speaking of 2010 Spain here – may they live in infamy). Also, has everyone so quickly forgotten about Real Madrid from just ten years ago?
5. Describe the moments leading up to the end whistle…
In the moments leading up to the final whistle, we were absolutely shelling Valdes, hoping to add number 7 to the tally. When the match ended, and the confetti flew, there was an overwhelming feeling of pride in my digital minions. Which of course lead to a solo parade around the block, fists raised in the air a la Rocky upon his ascent of the Philadelphia Museum of Art staircase.
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