20 College Basketball Players on Santa’s Naughty List
20 College Basketball Players on Santa's Naughty List
Well we have survived the Mayan Apocalypse. This is a good thing for two specific reasons, we are alive and we now get to be greedy little toy mongrels come Christmas morning. Christmas, from what I have been told, is more about giving rather than receiving. What a drag, I don't know about you but I much prefer getting gifts than giving them to others.
But it really doesn't matter what you prefer doing on Christmas if you're on the "Naughty" side of Santa's infamous list. Whether you be a thief, liar, mass murderer, or just a general bad person, chances are you are only going to receive coal in your stocking. Santa knows no forgiveness, if you have been bad all year, a few moments of goodness won't make up for months of evil-doing. However, like my father used to tell me, "I'm bold because coal is more expensive than your toys." So I guess there is a bright side to being a boldy-pants.
There is something else you need to know about Santa Claus. He really likes college basketball and looks after its players very closely. He judges them by not only what kind of person they are but how they act on and off the court. Scoring 20 points a game might make you "nice" but if you're a ball hog it will certainly land you on the naughty list.
Recently Santa mailed me his list of "20 Nice Players" and just now he sent me an e-mail of his "20 Naughty College Basketball Players". Being that he said I could share them with the public(me and Santa are tight son, tight!), I figured I wouldn't edit any of his spiel and give you direct insight into the mind of the most popular man who ever sported a creepy beard.
I'll tell you one thing I learned about the fat man after reading his naughty list, he's a bitter and angry fellow...
Joe covers the Catholic Seven for Rant Sports. Follow him on Twitter @JosephNardone
Okay, so the kid isn't technically a college basketball player yet. But that didn't stop Jabari Parker from getting his own show so he can broadcast to the world where he was going to play college hoops. In the North Pole, the only thing more naughty than being bold is making sure all the attention is on yourself.
Talk about a guy using his university to the most extreme benefit. Does anyone actually believe that Mason Plumlee is going to be a very good NBA player? I know I don't, but thanks to playing for the Duke Blue Devils, everyone and their mother "knows" he is a lottery pick. He made you all into liars, and for that, he gets put on the naughty list.
They can't be a Cinderella story if they've been ranked all year. Doug McDermott leads the Creighton Bluejays in scoring, so he's one of the main reasons for their early success and high-ranking. Way to take the fun out of March, McDermott. I hope you like coal.
I like vowels, I have plenty of them in my name. However, Anthony Drmic only has one of them in his surname. Call me bitter, but a lack of vowels will always land you on the naughty list. This isn't Wheel of Fortune.
Jeff Withey is a fine college hoops player. My biggest issue with him is that he blocks 5.4 shots per game. Nobody likes rejection Mr. Withey. So far that you make it to the naughty list.
You would think that being the main man during Christmas time that I would love hype. Nope, not me, I hate it. Peyton Siva is the definition of evil hype. After having a good conference tournament everyone wanted to make this guy important. So far this season he is averaging 12 points and 6 boards a game, not exactly living up to the hype. But thanks to said hype, experts are letting you know it's all the little things that don't show in the box-score that make in invaluable. Naughty Peyton!
That hype that I talked about earlier, I really hate it. I hate it even more when I don't buy into to it and it pans out. Jack Cooley has not only lived up to expectations but has exceeded them. So unlucky for you Cooley, Santa is mean-spirited and is putting you on the naughty list for making me feel like an idiot.
Want to know why I wear red and white? It's the colors of my favorite college hoops team. D'Angelo Harrison isn't on the naughty list for anything he has done but for what he is going to do in the future, declare for the NBA Draft.
The Wyoming Cowboys are on track to be nationally ranked very soon. Leonard Washington is likely their best player. None of this looks natural, so for that, naughty list!
Steven Adams came in with a ton of hype and has lived up to exactly none of it. With the death of 7 footers in the NBA already there, it makes it extra sad that they can't even stay alive in college hoops. For making me miss the days of mediocre college big men, Adams goes on the naughty list.
I hate you Brandon Paul. You have somehow made the nation think your team is good while they are not. Come March, and an early exit I bet, people will be calling you a disappointment. Not me, I know better and that's why you're getting coal now. Liar!
Tim Frazier, I thought you were going to lead your team to the NCAA Tournament this year. Now thanks to a ruptured Achilles your team stinks. Way to make the conference as predictable as ever.
Sure, he is a very talented basketball player but all Joe Jackson did was dupe me into thinking a member of the Jackson 5 had a child who played college hoops. ABC is easy as 1, 2, coal in your stocking!
I remember telling all my elf helpers that Vincent Council was the real deal and his team would fall apart in his absence. Well they are 8-2 and he has only played in a few games. Nobody makes Santa look like a dope, nobody!
Damyean Dotson might be one of the most overlooked freshmen in the country. The kid can flat-out play. The problem here is that I like watching him play, which in turn, makes me have to look at the abomination of a court in Oregon. Coal for everyone!
Is it Lover-idge or Love-ridge? Jordan Loveridge is a diaper dandy no doubt. But I haven't seen him play nor heard his name spoken aloud, I've only read of him. So when I'm reading I'm always wondering if he loves ridge(which would put him on the naughty list) or a lover of idges(still naughty). So for the confusion he has cost me, Loveridge goes on the naughty list.
Why don't you score more Mr. Kyle Anderson? I had high hopes for this freshmen duo of excitement. But no, you have to go and be a "team" player while becoming a solid overall role-player. For becoming third fiddle you have been put on my naughty list!
Nobody seems to be able to call you by your first name on a consistent basis. While that isn't really your fault, I've had a ton of letters written to me by broadcasters saying all they want for Christmas is the ability to regularly pronounce your name. I'm a gift giver not a miracle worker, naughty list!
You're a senior who plays a lot of time on a historically freshmen laden team. Way to take the mythological feel out of John Calipari teams.
Glenn Robinson III
I mistakenly believed in your father and now you're going to pay for his sins. Sorry kid, hope you have a coal furnace.