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NFL Minnesota Vikings

Minnesota Vikings Schedule 2014: Predicting the Outcome of Every Game

Minnesota Vikings Schedule 2014 Predicting the Outcome of Every Game

Minnesota Vikings
Steven Bisig – USA TODAY Sports

The Minnesota Vikings will enter the 2014 NFL season with a new head coach, Mike Zimmer, a revamped defense and issues at quarterback. On the positive side, their schedule only has four teams that made the playoffs last season. Still, it would be a massive assumption to say the team will be drastically improved from 2013, so it will be a dismal 2014 for the Vikings with an eye to the future. Here are predictions for every 2014 game.

Week 1 – at St. Louis Rams – 13-10 (WIN)

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Week 1 – at St. Louis Rams – 13-10 (WIN)

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Neither team has a dependable QB or receiving weapons to even make a QB look competent. The Rams do have a solid front four defensively, but being pounded by Adrian Peterson all day will take its toll. It will be the first win in the Mike Zimmer era before the floodgates of losing open up, and they’re in for a sustained version of NFL water boarding.

Week 2 – vs. New England Patriots – 31-21 (LOSS)

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David Butler II – USA TODAY Sports

Week 2 – vs. New England Patriots – 31-21 (LOSS)

Minnesota Vikings
David Butler II – USA TODAY Sports

The Vikings will play hard for their new coach, but the Patriots will be too much to handle. Even with a strong front four defensively, the Patriots are packed with enough slot receivers to cause mayhem and an improved defense to make whoever is playing QB for the Vikings cry for his mommy. Adrian Peterson will do most of the work, but it won’t be enough.

Week 3 – at New Orleans Saints – 42-21 (LOSS)

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Week 3 – at New Orleans Saints – 42-21 (LOSS)

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The Vikings' defense gave up points last season as a hobby, and this game is at the Superdome where the Saints have become the latest “Greatest Show on Turf". Even with a new secondary, the Vikings, well, just fuggedaboutit. Call the butcher shop because the Vikings are getting slaughtered.

Week 4 – vs. Atlanta Falcons – 24-17 (LOSS)

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Week 4 – vs. Atlanta Falcons – 24-17 (LOSS)

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Even if the game is in Minnesota and their defensive pass rush can cause problems, the Falcons are a scorned woman after last year’s debacle. They still have Matty Ice, Julio Jones, Roddy White and presumably a TE who isn’t nearing AARP eligibility. Minnesota’s QB quandary will be their demise.

Week 5 – at Green Bay Packers – 34-14 (LOSS)

Minnesota Vikings
Benny Sieu – USA TODAY Sports

Week 5 – at Green Bay Packers – 34-14 (LOSS)

Minnesota Vikings
Benny Sieu – USA TODAY Sports

Aaron Rodgers will be playing this time, unlike last season when he was injured. Plus, the game is in Lambeau and Rodgers owns the Vikings. They are his personal go to pimp slap team. In 12 games against them, Rodgers has thrown 26 TDs and just four INTs. The Vikings' train should have stayed at the station, and Adrian Peterson will be having Barry Sanders retirement thoughts.

Week 6 – vs. Detroit Lions – 24-21 (LOSS)

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Week 6 – vs. Detroit Lions – 24-21 (LOSS)

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Sure the Lions can lay clunkers, the game is in Minnesota and Matthew Stafford tries to give wins away, but I don’t care how revamped the Vikings defense is, because there is no Optimus Prime running through the tunnel in purple and gold. Calvin “Megatron” Johnson will have a decent day and the Vikings start looking for over-the-counter Xanax prescriptions.

Week 7 – at Buffalo Bills 24-17 (WIN)

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Kim Klement – USA TODAY Sports

Week 7 – at Buffalo Bills 24-17 (WIN)

Minnesota Vikings
Kim Klement – USA TODAY Sports

Hold off on the suicide watches because the Vikings will get a win. The Bills' defense couldn’t stop the run if they cheated last year and their offensive passing game is in the hands of EJ Manuel. The Vikings' defensive front four should have him running for his life. Adrian Peterson could have a career day as they pull off a very winnable road game.

Week 8 – at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17-14 (LOSS)

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Week 8 – at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17-14 (LOSS)

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It doesn’t even matter because this game is going to be atrociously bad. Why hasn’t Adrian Peterson asked to be traded yet? Does he like being the Kevin Garnett playing for the Timberwolves of the NFL? The Vikings went winless on the road last season, and according to my predictions they already have two in 2014 -- and that’s where it ends. Buccaneers win a fugly game.

Week 9 – vs. Washington Redskins – 24-17 (WIN)

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Brace Hemmelgarn – USA TODAY Sports

Week 9 – vs. Washington Redskins – 24-17 (WIN)

Minnesota Vikings
Brace Hemmelgarn – USA TODAY Sports

Both teams have new head coaches, but the Redskins have a mentally fragile QB with knee issues, an owner under pressure and not much else to work with. The Vikings' defense will start to see improvement, and whoever is playing QB should be competent enough to win the game. Jay Gruden, coach for the Redskins, is going to realize the NFL isn’t the Arena League.

Week 10 – BYE

Minnesota Vikings
Brace Hemmelgarn – USA TODAY Sports

Week 10 – BYE

Minnesota Vikings
Brace Hemmelgarn – USA TODAY Sports

The good news, they can’t lose this week. The bad news, they will lose a lot afterwards.

Week 11 – at Chicago Bears – 35-17 (LOSS)

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Week 11 – at Chicago Bears – 35-17 (LOSS)

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The Vikings haven’t won in Chicago since 2007, their defense won’t be improved enough to stop one of the league’s highest scoring offenses and even Jay Cutler can’t screw this one up. Mike Zimmer might eventually beat the Bears, but not in 2014 as the Vikings lose again. “Colonel Sharp, it’s getting bad down here.”

Week 12 – vs. Green Bay Packers – 27-17 (LOSS)

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Benny Sieu – USA TODAY Sports

Week 12 – vs. Green Bay Packers – 27-17 (LOSS)

Minnesota Vikings
Benny Sieu – USA TODAY Sports

I don’t care if this game was played in a parking lot or if Aaron Rodgers has never beaten a team coached by Mike Zimmer -- he will in this game because the Packers have too much firepower on offense. At this point, the Vikings should start offering Peterson up on the trading block. No sense wasting a future Hall of Famer while Christian Ponder is your go-to QB.

Week 13 – vs. Carolina Panthers – 31-14 (LOSS)

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Week 13 – vs. Carolina Panthers – 31-14 (LOSS)

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I’m starting to sense a theme. Cam Newton is going to make the Vikings look like a Snoop Dog pee-wee team even if he has to pass the ball to himself. The Panthers crushed the Vikings last year by 25, and the Panthers' defense will pound Adrian Peterson who should be thinking about shutting it down at this point.

Week 14 vs. New York Jets – 23-13 (WIN)

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Week 14 vs. New York Jets – 23-13 (WIN)

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The only team more depressing at QB than the Vikings is the Jets. The Vikings' defense will send Geno Smith scrambling and throwing INTs like an Eli Manning clone. The Jets have just five road wins in two years and are simply bad on offense. It will be a nice home win before they head back to the basement.

Week 15 – at Detroit Lions – 28-21 (LOSS)

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Andrew Weber – USA TODAY Sports

Week 15 – at Detroit Lions – 28-21 (LOSS)

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Andrew Weber – USA TODAY Sports

It is possible that the Lions, a team that is 0-8 in December the last two seasons, could lose this game. It’s also possible that I could fart a Titanic sized diamond, but it’s just not going to happen. Did Bumblebee sign a contract? Ironhide? Ratchet? Jazz? Then what are we talking about here? At this point, Vikings players will be phoning it in.

Week 16 – at Miami Dolphins – 21-17 (LOSS)

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Week 16 – at Miami Dolphins – 21-17 (LOSS)

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The Vikings have already reached their road win quota, and a trip to South Beach will end in a close loss. I expect Peterson to have a good day as he has in the past against the Dolphins, but it’s on the road, late in the season and the Vikings are daydreaming about sandy beaches and offseason trips to the clubs and casinos.

Week 17 – vs. Chicago Bears – 23-14 (LOSS)

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Jerry Lai – USA TODAY Sports

Week 17 – vs. Chicago Bears – 23-14 (LOSS)

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Jerry Lai – USA TODAY Sports

The season ends with a loss as the Vikings look improved from their first meeting with the Bears who could possibly be challenging for the playoffs. They might cause some trouble for Jay Cutler, but the Bears are just too explosive on offense and good enough to control Peterson, who if he isn’t going for the all-time rushing record will have come down with an “injury” by Week 17.