The Darker Side of Fantasy Football

By Jordan Parker
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Setting the wrong lineup in Fantasy Football is like putting mustard on your ice cream sundae.

It ruins Sundays.

When you set the wrong lineup, you get angry. When you get angry, you need to place blame. Before you can blame yourself, you have to blame Ted from work who gave you one of his “hot tips.” Is Ted’s team in the playoffs? Maybe, but it doesn’t matter because Ted is in a suck league, the kind of league that allowed Pierre Garcon to go undrafted.

It is your fault.

When you accept blame, you start to get negative. When you get negative, you enter the dark side of fantasy football.

The first sign you’re headed to the dark side is talking to the television about your fantasy desires. You’ll find yourself whispering, “Anyone can catch this pass except Dez Bryant.” Or things like, “If we can just get into garbage time, I know Leonard Hankerson will score.”

You’ve definitely entered the dark side if you’ve ever caught yourself watching your opponent’s players to “make sure” they don’t score enough points to beat your team. This is asinine, it has no basis in logic. But you’ve done it anyways, and it’s probably worked at least once.

This is torture. Sometimes your “plan” will backfire, and you’ll end up watching yourself lose. When you watch yourself lose, you go back to blaming yourself for your bad lineup decisions. This creates a vicious cycle of blame and negativity. You will again remind yourself to never take Ted’s advice. Ever.

After you’ve spent a few games chanting by the television, you’ll find yourself taking a deeper foray into the dark side, which involves rooting against your real life favorite team. This is the definition of stress. You have now placed yourself at odds with yourself. Why? Do you even like fantasy football that much? Of course you do. But it’s starting to make you crazy, and maybe you should stop.

Let’s say you didn’t stop, and now you’ve spent a few seasons placing unreasonable demands on players that don’t even know you exist. You’ve probably wished and cheered for an injury to an opposing player. Now, we’re not talking about ligament or spinal damage. I’m not saying you’re some kind of monster, but I do suspect you’ve cheered for a pulled hamstring or mild concussion. We all have our demons, but this is preventable.

Don’t turn into a monster. Set your best lineup every Sunday.

Jordan Parker is a fantasy sports writer for Rant Sports. Follow him on Twitter @RabbleFootball for advice on all things Fantasy Football.

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