It’s a relatively slow week in the Honey Badger Award for Extracurricular Excellence race — after all, there’s still plenty of snow on the ground, and the prospect of doing something stupid in the cold vastly increases as that cold turns to sunshine.
What we were given, however, is pure HBAEE gold.
Florida Gators offensive lineman Jessamen Dunker — yes, that’s really his name — pulled off one of the more creative early entrants in our contest this year with his Grand Theft Auto arrest earlier in the week.
Well, actually, let’s make that Grand Theft Moped.
Dunker was arrested outside of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in Gainesville for riding on a motor scooter that did not have the proper tags. During the arrest, it was determined that Dunker not only was driving on a suspended license — which he was aware of — but had stolen the moped as well. Beyond the fact that he stole a moped, we’re talking about a 6’4″, 301 pound guy on said moped.
The pure hilarity of this incident takes the Gators to the top of our three-way tied leader-board in Week Two:
HONEY BADGER AWARD FOR EXTRACURRICULAR EXCELLENCE- WEEK TWO
FLORIDA GATORS – 1 JESSAMEN DUNKER GRAND THEFT MOPED!
FLORIDA STATE SEMIONLES– 1 JAMES WILDER FAILURE TO APPEAR
KENTUCKY WILDCATS– 1 T.J. JONES WEAPONS CHARGE
Florida certainly has a precedent for extracurricular activity — with 15 arrests since Will Mushcamp arrived on campus from Austin to take over as head coach, and six arrests in the last calendar year.
Can they hold their lead?
Only time will tell — I’m sure you are all breathless with anticipation.